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This page is where you can find information, definitions and answers to questions you may have about Sibling Abuse. Click on the headings and circles below to learn more.
Content warning: The content on this page directly addresses various types of abuse, and may be triggering to some readers. Please take care of yourself.
Sibling abuse (also sometimes called sibling aggression, sibling bullying, or the ‘forgotten’ abuse) is the unwanted and ongoing abuse from a sibling, usually, but not always, an older brother(s) or sister(s), towards a younger sibling(s).
Like other forms of abuse, it can be emotional, physical or sexual abuse; often it is more than one type since emotional abuse (sometimes referred to as psychological or mental abuse) is almost always present with physical and/or sexual abuse.
Emotional Abuse includes a number of non-physical ways of exerting power over a sibling: name-calling, ridiculing, taunting, teasing, belittling, degrading, isolating, threatening to harm them, their pets or their possessions. Some of these behaviours can seem normal and fairly harmless – many siblings tease, fight, wrestle etc. – but this experience, day after day, perhaps year after year, by a sibling they may adore and look up to, can completely destroy one’s self-esteem.
The most common forms of Physical Abuse are hitting, shoving, slapping, punching, biting, hair pulling, pinching, spitting, kicking, or being hit by an object; tickling can also be a form of abuse, when done to an extreme. Siblings can also engage in severe, injurious and/or life-threatening forms of violence; choking or smothering, holding one’s head underwater, using or threatening to use a weapon.
Sexual Abuse is not two toddlers curious and checking out their different private parts or playing doctor; it is inappropriate sexual behaviour both with contact (from inappropriate kissing and affection, to touching or fondling, to rape), or without contact (indecent exposure, forcing the victim to watch pornography, sexualized discussion).
Sometimes the perpetrator ‘grooms’ their victim, like with other forms of sexual abuse, manipulating and blurring the line between sibling ‘love’ and domination.
All three forms of abuse range from mild to severe; some may happen infrequently and others constantly, for long periods of time. It’s usually normalized by calling it “sibling rivalry”, and it can begin as rivalry, but without intervention, there’s an increased chance the behaviour will escalate, crossing a line into abuse. It can be subtle, the severity and number of occurrences increasing over long periods of time, or transition quickly.
We’ve come to accept conflict between siblings as normal sibling rivalry, and sometimes it is. Children all want their parents’ attention, they want their own space, their own stuff. There is a degree of healthy competition, the opportunity to learn how to work things out, resolve conflicts, disagree and argue without violence or harm. With rivalry, there’s a more equal balance of power; each sibling wins sometimes, nobody feels victimized.
So when is it abuse? Read about the markers of sibling abuse below.
With minimal research in sibling abuse, along with the silence surrounding it, it is difficult to know exactly how common it is, but some studies have shown:
Every story is unique, but in addition to physical injuries, the emotional, psychological and social impact can be profound and lifelong:
o A child is abused by a parent; they then victimize a younger sibling, who does the same to another sibling … or a kid at school … or their partner … or their own child
o A victim may unconsciously choose partners in which they continue to be victimized
What might start out as ‘normal sibling rivalry’ can escalate into abuse, if left unchecked, when some of these are also present: